Thursday, April 2, 2009

Every Rejection Is A Brick In My Palace

When I was 16 years old, I had the biggest crush on this girl at school. She wasn’t the most attractive girl, but there was a certain something about her that just made her so desirable. She was different and she knew it, this only caused her to be more desirable.

For the better part of two years I devised a plan to secure her as my girlfriend. My first step was to befriend her, every chance I got I would hang out with her. I’d buy her food, take her out to music events, I even took her to see an expensive hockey game. We’d spend hours alone together at her house watching movies, playing pool and just lounging around on her bed.

Throughout it all she’d see other guys, telling me all about the dates that she’d have with them. I listened intently and gave words of encouragement; all the while every word she said ate me up inside.

This pattern repeated itself until one day I finally decided to pop the question. One night while we were alone I turned to her and let all of the emotions that I had for her run free. I told her about how I felt and how life could be if the two of us were together. After several minutes of silence she broke the news to me. She only saw me as a friend and nothing else, needless to say I was heart broken.

After that night I never spoke to her again. I distanced myself from her and her friends and avoided her whenever I possibly could. I went out and met new girls, but the memory of her and the times we spent together continued to invade my dreams and my thoughts.

Throughout it all I never once kissed her, never hugged her, I never even held her hand. Looking back on it now my thoughts and actions could best be described as irrational, almost borderline insane. Somehow in my mind I had built her up to be my girlfriend even though we failed to share any sexual or romantic connection.

Since then I’ve met numerous men who have had similar experiences with women. Some have rebounded and some still live in their delusional relationships of years past. Upon further research I found that all of the men who had rebounded shared something in common, they not only accepted their defeat and their mistakes, but they relished in them. Their defeat didn’t define them, but it served as a warning sign, a life lesson that reminded them to never make the same mistake again.

In the game there’s an expression, “Every rejection is a brick in my palace.” It’s something that I hold near and dear and I use it as almost a creed. Regardless of how good you are with women, you’re bound to face a rejection every now and then. The question is how will you let this rejection affect you? Will it make you a bitter and angry person, or will it help you improve yourself and the way you interact with others?

At the end of the day attraction is not a choice. Women are pre hardwired with attraction in mind; it’s up to us as men to target these attraction mechanisms in order to create a relationship or a mutual attraction.

If a relationship failed to materialize, then chances are you did something wrong. You didn’t cater to her needs or you left out a critical step in the attraction process. The good news is that your mistakes of the past can be corrected. You can learn from your rejection and ensure that you never fall into the same trap again.

You can affect life, or you can let life affect you. The choice is yours.

By: Ramses

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Ramses is a certified dating instructor at www.skillsofthegame.com. He's helped thousands of men achieve greater success with dating women.



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