With the development of technology of mass media, the rule of the structure in which people are, has come into its undivided domination. Human psyche at every turn is exposed to invisible, but highly efficient handling with the introduction of patterns of behavior and thinking. I would not want to use the words «making a zombie», but, in fact, everything is going to that.
Modern industry of information and entertainment is built on a simple principle: see, how other successful people do, and follow them, take their example. Everything what is demonstrated to you is a model of success. You are aware of it, but perhaps you have not thought about how huge the impact of this propaganda is, sometimes it is explicit but more often is acting quietly, little by little.
This particularly applies to all what relates to intimate relationships. That is here are firmly established stereotypes of how it should be. All printed and video matter on this topic demonstrates the relationships which, as it should be understood, met the standards.
Do not think that I am speaking of some conspiracy or deliberate propaganda. In fact, no one seeks to introduce some templates. All has been produced by itself. The fact is that human thoughts always have some doubts: am I doing properly? There is always a need for comparison, because the success itself is a relative thing. Therefore, when a person sees someone else's success, he is naturally inclined to perceive it as a benchmark.
Intimate affairs, and the sex in particular, are mostly taking place in closed circle, hence the need to confirm that «all of us are OK», is increasing. And if a man does not have, and moreover did not have a partner, then he just starts convulsively to search for a pattern. And, of course, the media satisfies the needs of the people providing all sorts of standards for a wide selection.
So the common stereotypes of how to do are formed, what the image you should have and all. For example, he is a cool «Macho», she is sultry «Sexy». Look at them, and do as they do. And if you do not fit into those standards, then you have something wrong.
It is difficult to imagine all the destructiveness of the rule. You probably think I have unduly inflated the importance of the problem, when I say that the rule of structure is the most frightening and harmful of all invented by mankind. Far from it. I am very reluctant to express.
The number of broken paircouples is enormous. The number of failed happy families, perhaps is even more. The main cause of discord in the end is the frustration in sex. All the rest is either consequence, created by this dissatisfaction, or excuses of people who do not wish to confess to each other in the true reason.
The dissatisfaction arises from the fact that the two follow the rule of structure. They know that, in accordance with standards it is necessary to do so, and just like that. The rule of structure reads: «follow my leader!» - And thus change yourself by being untrue to yourself. The man tries to adjust himself under the established standards, and receives a result of spiritual discomfort and dissatisfaction.
Mistake of a man, who has any problems with sex is that he plays a role. It's that simple. A man chooses one model from a variety of standards that suits him best, and another one to his partner. Then he takes the role and starts to play, and hangs on the partner the projection of his expectations. Surprisingly, that role he is playing as a gamer-viewer, because he constantly compares both himself and a partner with the standard: if all turns out.
As a result, he fails because the nature of sex requires for relaxation, freedom and commitment. Sex is the only case where you want to dive into the game with a head, with no roles. Normal and natural sex - it is game you play by the rules that you set yourself, without looking at how others do it, and how it is allegedly agreed.
In addition, highly puzzling is the improper mixing of different concepts: the love and the sex. Sometimes it is just nauseating when you hear this sanctimonious «let's make love». Is it easier to call a spade a spade? The sex - it is not love, and the love is not the sex. And are these things incompatible? They are compatible, but once more: love is not sex, and sex is not love.
You can either to combine or split these things. But the rule of structure prevents to do it so naturally. I am not mistaken in saying that any failures of sexual contact are connected to the fact that people, who follow the rule of structure, are trying to artificially mix the love and the sex. The result is an absurd hybrid.
In fact, if you forget the rules and standards everything is very simple. Imagine a scale with zero mark in the middle, where to the left is affection, and to the right - aggression. So, if the arrow goes to the left, it is love, and if it goes to the right, it is sex. Like this idea or not, sex, whatever one may say, is rather aggression than the affection.
But many people are shy or afraid when they wake up these «devil» instincts. They believe that it is unnatural. In fact: there are two normal people which initially behave absolutely normally, but then a predatory gleam appears in the eyes, and they begin to be up to all sorts of nonsense that does not fit into the framework... The framework of what?
Here the rule of structure comes into effect. On the one hand, there are accepted limits of decency, it is not always convenient to violate them. On the other hand, in this framework, it is impossible to obtain satisfaction from the sex. But it is desirable to have both.
And now, to adjust to the standards, people start to play their roles. Fearing the awakening animal instincts, they dilute the sex with established and how they think, the necessary rituals. This, in turn, causes a serfdom. We would like to let the horse, but the rule of structure does not allow. Conversely, if the arrow is taken far to the direction of aggression, then it appears a need to confirm: «Do you love me?»
So, there are two constantly playing spectators on the stage. They are like puppets, hanging on the threads of control, for which they have hitched themselves. What are they doing? They struggle to drag the arrow either to the one or another side. And you just have to spit on the rule of structure and release the arrow, let it walk freely, in correlation with the feelings of the soul, not the ideas of mind.
Someone might argue that doing so, it is easy to come down to the animal level. And here again is the rule of structure. Who had found this border, where humanity ends and the animal level begins? It does not matter even the border itself, but that you yourself must determine your own rules and not follow someone's else ones. You are the human, and therefore have a right for your own criteria of humanity and decency.
I hope you understand that I am writing this for people who have some problems with sex, especially for those who love each other. All you need to avoid the problems - is to release the arrow consciously in the same way as consciously is kept the control over the observance of the rule of structure.
There is a category of people who have not had any difficulties in sex. In fact, many of the problems are removed if to call a spade a spade, not to confuse the notions, consciously aware of what you want to get, and, most importantly, to be honest about this before the partner. Life soon becomes much easier if to be open. You can be confident: your partner too has a lot of hidden desires. And the situation may arise, when one wants what the other does not accept. What to do in such cases?
First, we should always remember one principle: relinquish of the intention to obtain, replace it with the intent to give, and you will get what was refused. This wonderful principle is working without denial, and you will not always understand exactly how.
Secondly, you must completely give up the rule of structure and replace it with another rule. The rule that states: allow you to be yourself, and allow others to be different.
As you know, to get satisfaction from sexual intercourse, you should feel free. Humans can not feel free, if there are excess capacity in the form of complexes, such as disability. Howsoever he tries to relax, the forces of structure will not allow.
The structure establishes norms of behavior and thinking, that is, standards of «being normal». The man does not understand that he is invited to ersatz, substitute success. Another's success could not serve as an example, a model for emulation. True success is achieved only by those who had the courage to violate the rule and make their path.
Following the footsteps of a stranger, a man is forever doomed to catch the setting sun. The standards for success - it is a mirage, but a person does not know or does not wish to know that the rule of structure keeps him in the web of illusions.
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